My dearest imaginary readers,
Now, at the end of May, is the best time for reflection. You alone have been here every step of the way with me. I value your unerring opinion above all else. Even now as I sit in this windowless box, I am thinking of you, dear reader, and your preferences for writing. It has been this that has driven me throughout the year to excel through this blog, to post my thoughts for all the imaginary world to see.
In all reality, this blog has driven me insane this year. I began with a study of feminism combined with religion, something that bored me to tears. I have fallen through topic after topic, leaving each one as I become less and less committed to actually thinking about the words I post. Vegetarianism, dog breeds, animal rights, hardcore feminism, and so much more have made appearances on this blog. And I always, without fail, ended up hating every last topic. It was as if my self was beening sliced in two, writing in two different arenas. On one hand, I enjoyed thinking critically about the literature I read and analyzing rhetorical strategies, but here I was, writing as if I were some other person. I enjoyed drawing in the beginning, those fun little expressions of creativity. But soon even those grew tiresome and impossible in the schedule of high school.
I tried to find a cause, a purpose for which to write. Though this was first and foremost a class assignment, I wanted to make it count. With all of you reading, I knew if I could just find the right words to say, my writing would catapult to a new level. March rolled around and I couldn't go on anymore. I had to stop crusading for innane topics. And so, after much discussion, I decided to release my hold on the blog and write about whatever came to mind. Which is, by the way, much harder than it sounds.
I settled into a real style, one that fit my personality, and writing became not easier but more enjoyable. My favorite post this entire year was Flying, a true expression of the way I think. This, I believe, is the only triumph I have experienced this year, although it is a big one. Self-discovery is a quite amazing thing.
I'll be honest; I'm not going to continue writing on this blog. Maybe when I'm older, wiser... but then again, I never want to go through this torture again. I do believe this has made me a better writer in many respects, teaching me about my limits and strengths when I write. I look forward to developing a more concrete style and a palpable tone, something with the help of this blog, I have just begun to realize.
Sincerely, happily,
Mildred
